Reflections on Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
By Ivy Xerxes Glossopharyngeal
July 25th, 2014
Cesar can put together a few sentences with some effort, but he only uses it to intimidate. Hey everyone, remember that I can speak! And I can speak English! He also goes without the pants in this movie. He's fully embraced his apehood and he's perpetuating the ape superiority vibe throughout the camp. Humans suck, and they wear pants. We're apes - we don't wear any stinking pants! Are you forgetting James Franco Cesar? He wore pants and you loved him.
This movie is a masterpiece as it deeply explores the apes' progression with their newly acquired intelligence. It is clearly the leader for 2014 Schleich award. You also get a feel for the struggle of the individual and the group, the morally right choice, and what drives an individual to do something that is considered morally corrupt, in addition to what is the basis for mutual trust. For example, Cesar promotes the notion of ape superiority that Koba embraces, but Cesar doesn't truly adhere to it himself, something that Koba finds unforgivable. The complexity of these choices is what makes the movie so interesting and good even down to the ending that was lifted from Diehard, which only happened because Gary Oldman failed at blowing up the tower. Gary Oldman's character is so worthless. Is there anything he does right?
Ape not kill ape. Home. Family. Future. Did I mention there's a chimp riding a horse firing two machine guns and screaming at the top of his lungs.
Rating: About 10 Cherry Cokes!
Ideas for the next one:
1. They have a massive King's funeral as Cesar dies, and a successor needs to be named. His son, Topher Grace chimp, is clearly going to be passed over but he doesn't know it. Joe Rogan chimp throws his hat in the ring but Maurice laughs in his face. A Gorilla emerges out of nowhere as a leading contender after he saves Cesar's wife from a Buffalo charge, then marries her. Topher Grace chimp plots a coup with a couple of humans he runs into fishing near their village. Maurice shakes his head in sorrow.
2. Humans and chimps try living together, the humans embrace the minimalist ape society as long as the apes agree to wear clothes. Maurice marries the daughter from a prominent human family, and all hell breaks loose when she gets pregnant.
Unfortunately, they didn't take any of my sequel suggestions after the first movie, but regardless of that oversight, I think it may have been better than the first one. It takes place 10 years later, and Cesar is back and doing more Al Pacino facial expressions than ever. And they wear skeleton paint when they go hunting, like the Cobra Kai on Halloween. It's all about love and apes though. Apes are the best; apes don't kill other apes. Don't you want to be an ape? Cesar is the undisputed leader of a utopian ape society. Everybody get together and love one another right now...If you're going to San Francisco, and you're a hyper intelligent female ape, be sure to wear flowers in your hair.
Let's review all the other characters from the last one that are back. Evil splotchy - aka Koba - that chimp with the serious case of mange - is back. But he's a Cesar yes man, even going so far as to save Cesar's Tobey McGuire/Topher Grace chimp son, Blue Eyes, by impaling a grizzly before he gets mauled. But Koba is a bad motherfucker, and we learn that fact right from the beginning. If he turns on Cesar, Cesar will not being saying 'Et Tu Koba' in surprise, he'll be expecting it. Good lord is he more despicable than ever. What an evil cuss. Joe Rogan chimp - aka Rocket - wasn't even relevant in this, just a chimp living off the spoils of the Cesar gravy train who lurks around looking like Joe Rogan. The Orangutan chimp - aka Maurice - is some sort of professor of the ape university and has further developed into a Mr. Miyagi sage. Who knew Orangutans were earthy and wise like that. Are there any bad Orangutans? Maurice is the only one, it's such a small sample size. Is he even a good teacher for these kids? Or did they just need to give the Orangutan something to do, since he would be horrendous at hunting deer. It's certainly better to be an Orangutan than a Gorilla. As far as I could tell, the Gorillas were only good for being prison guards or intimidating worthless humans.
But it's quite possible Maurice is an excellent teacher, because the apes have learned a form of sign language that allows you to convey four or five complex sentences with one chest thump. There's no reason to speak - why even try? - it seems hard as hell to get any words out. But if they are going to speak - can someone please give a Gorilla a line in one of these movies? We definitely need more gorilla. This has been a major oversight. Although the Gorilla shoulder beating Malcolm suffers was definitely worth a thousand words.Let's review all the other characters from the last one that are back. Evil splotchy - aka Koba - that chimp with the serious case of mange - is back. But he's a Cesar yes man, even going so far as to save Cesar's Tobey McGuire/Topher Grace chimp son, Blue Eyes, by impaling a grizzly before he gets mauled. But Koba is a bad motherfucker, and we learn that fact right from the beginning. If he turns on Cesar, Cesar will not being saying 'Et Tu Koba' in surprise, he'll be expecting it. Good lord is he more despicable than ever. What an evil cuss. Joe Rogan chimp - aka Rocket - wasn't even relevant in this, just a chimp living off the spoils of the Cesar gravy train who lurks around looking like Joe Rogan. The Orangutan chimp - aka Maurice - is some sort of professor of the ape university and has further developed into a Mr. Miyagi sage. Who knew Orangutans were earthy and wise like that. Are there any bad Orangutans? Maurice is the only one, it's such a small sample size. Is he even a good teacher for these kids? Or did they just need to give the Orangutan something to do, since he would be horrendous at hunting deer. It's certainly better to be an Orangutan than a Gorilla. As far as I could tell, the Gorillas were only good for being prison guards or intimidating worthless humans.
Cesar can put together a few sentences with some effort, but he only uses it to intimidate. Hey everyone, remember that I can speak! And I can speak English! He also goes without the pants in this movie. He's fully embraced his apehood and he's perpetuating the ape superiority vibe throughout the camp. Humans suck, and they wear pants. We're apes - we don't wear any stinking pants! Are you forgetting James Franco Cesar? He wore pants and you loved him.
But the apes have nothing to worry about because they are up against humans that have Gary Oldman as their leader. Who would you rather have as your leader: the wise strong Cesar that can inspire with one chest thump and melt your heart with a somber Al Pacino glance, or the neurotic coward that Gary Oldman plays? It least I hope Gary Oldman is playing a character.
It looks like nothing can go wrong for the apes unless an ape gets all paranoid about these humans and decides to irrationally start a war where he can ride on a horse firing two machine guns and screaming at the top of his lungs after he shoots Cesar. Then the control freak could really screw up and put all the humans in prisons. And, well, that's what happens, all because Koba doesn't trust one bad egg human. To be fair to Koba, this human is a real piece of work. He's some high strung moron that looks like Alan from Freaks and Geeks grown up that just can't handle being around that many hyper intelligent apes. Cesar would know this guy is just an idiot, and not worth worrying about. But not Koba, that's enough for Koba to back slide into his deceitful ape cushion. Fear makes apes follow. Apes follow Koba now.
It looks like nothing can go wrong for the apes unless an ape gets all paranoid about these humans and decides to irrationally start a war where he can ride on a horse firing two machine guns and screaming at the top of his lungs after he shoots Cesar. Then the control freak could really screw up and put all the humans in prisons. And, well, that's what happens, all because Koba doesn't trust one bad egg human. To be fair to Koba, this human is a real piece of work. He's some high strung moron that looks like Alan from Freaks and Geeks grown up that just can't handle being around that many hyper intelligent apes. Cesar would know this guy is just an idiot, and not worth worrying about. But not Koba, that's enough for Koba to back slide into his deceitful ape cushion. Fear makes apes follow. Apes follow Koba now.
Um...no, they don't. Especially if James Franco can get some royalties by appearing on an old camcorder to inspire Cesar. Oh James, how I miss you.
Ape not kill ape. Home. Family. Future. Did I mention there's a chimp riding a horse firing two machine guns and screaming at the top of his lungs.
3. Gary Oldman survives the explosion but Cesar decides to kill him again on principle. The moral quandary causes Cesar to go off the deep end and start indulging in alcohol, or 'human juice' as Maurice calls it. At his law point, Cesar starts filming his kids growing up on James Franco's camcorder and then make them suffer through the home movies later on in life